She's the Beeeee eeeeeeeeeest

Props to the Critic's Choice Awards for being slightly less shitty then other major awards (*cough*Oscars*cough*). For reals though, categories for different genres recognised alongside the usual dramatic fare? Screenplay award for Gone Girl? And awards for Lego Movie and Guardians of the Galaxy, the true greatest…

I was always so FURIOUS with this dress. The original was gooorrrgeous.

How can you hate on delivery drivers? They bring HOT DELICIOUS FOOD TO YOUR DOOR you lazy fuck.

I assume she's pre-rebutting arguments that "maybe she kinda wanted it" or that she was giving mixed signals or some such bullshit.

First and most importantly, as a former pizza delivery person fuck those cheap entitled assholes.

No. If I clean out a space in front of my house, it's mine to park in.

THIS.

I know, right? You drive in the city, you take your damn chances.

I used to street park when I lived in New York. This whole story makes no sense to me. Dibs...for a parking space. Chicago must be a magical land of make-believe.

Nope. Oak Park after eleven years of living in Chicago, shovelling out spaces, driving to work and then coming home and if need be shoveling out a space for my car. Because they're not my spaces, they are community property and you can't act like a particular space is yours.

it's kind of the unwritten rule that you don't take other people's shoveled out spaces, right?

I'm still trying to convince my girlfriend she doesn't need to wear makeup....

Fuck you, a woman can be a feminist and still not want the crushing scrutiny of professional internet assholes on every single pimple or stray hair or whatever. Next you'll say that feminists can't use makeup, or wear spandex, or cut their hair, because ideological purity. News flash: women can identify how they want,…

Those two are not mutually exclusive, is the thing. I am a feminist and I dye my hair. Does that mean I have to hand in my feminist card? What type of body and image modification does feminism allow, Great Decider of the Rules of Feminism?!?!?!? HOW DO I KEEP UP WITH THE RULES? IS THERE A NEWSLETTER!?!?!?!?!?

Here's a clear shot of Tay-Tay:

Dateline tells me to wipe down the hotel remote with bleach before using it because of all the fecal matter, but Lena Dunham tells me to motorboat that ass. Mixed messages, yo.

The Demille award is for humanitarian contributions (by actors/entertainment people... whatever they decide that means), not actually for acting. So the joke is that he's getting a humanitarian award instead of his Human Rights Attorney wife.

You could have just wrote "I do not have a sense of humor"

The joke was "In Into The Woods, Cinderella runs from her prince, Rapunzel gets throw from a tower for her prince, and Sleeping Beauty just thought she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby." It's a joke that calls out the shitty treatment of women in the play, and the shitty treatment of women by Bill Cosby. Bill…