My grandfather was about his age and he couldn't understand why my mom and I laughed when he said one of his cousins was nicknamed "Beaver Dick" because he was from Beaver County, Pa. So this man probably had no idea.

I have two squirrel stories that are more annoying than horrible. The first was a red squirrel, which if you know anything about squirrels is the dumbest kind. I was on an Outward Bound sailing program in Maine that my mom made go on to build character or some such horseshit - the closest thing to building character…

Paul Newman would never star in a movie with such filth. What has the world become?

Thought Catalog is not important enough to warrant it's own adjective

that picture just makes me hungry

or if you get to be Craig Sager's suit

I am going to put my backpack in the luggage bins because when I have it, I have already paid $25 to check a bag and use it to schelp around the shit I need to stay sane on a flight. I am tall and my solution to the complete lack of leg room is to shove my feet under the seat in front of me (that way I don't even get…

too ableist for Gawker Media

David Ortiz didn't get traded. The Red Sox picked him off the scrap heap because he gave Bill James a boner then he turned into Big Papi. He wasn't even the Sox starting DH to begin 2003 (Jeremy Giambi was).

When will the squares learn that junk refers to heroin and junkies are heroin addicts?

Wow, data journalism is really transforming the way I look at sports

The one about the toilet joint is in the wrong column

It might snow three feet on Nov 2 in New England if the Patriots were playing in Aroostook County, but not in Foxboro.

Is the World Cup still going on?

I've heard Indians talk about not wanting places named shit like "Squaw Mountain" or having HS teams change their mascots. It's not white people driving this. Most white people don't give a fuck.

Can you fax me a cheesesteak?

Brady has gotten more pussy than everyone else in the NFL. He's so beautiful that I would gay for him and he's old. Plus his history re dumping his first baby mama for a supermodel just scratches the surface.

You ask the same questions sometimes to get people to say something outside of their talking points.

That is the only story that anybody fucking cares about in relation to Wiggins at this point. He's getting his goddamn pictures taken, he's not even playing in the summer league. He's going to get traded - the Wolves owner said as much earlier in the day. I don't watch much ESPN, but I do know a thing or two about…

Building another super team in Cleveland? The trade of a franchise cornerstone?