Eating a pint of ice cream by yourself is shameful, eating a quart in one sitting is just damn impressive.

The moment at which you start screaming and hurling swears at an employee is the moment at which you deserve absolutely no sympathy or understanding whatsoever.

Imagine if they wanted their coleslaw freshly squeezed.

My cousin dis this when we were in high school. This was before myspace and facebook. We attended the same school so she'd do stuff like tell people that me and her were related, which we are, but she'd do a lot of stuff like talk shit about someone or be involved in less than honorable dealings and then tell people…

Lena Dunham going after Woody Allen? It's like Dexter, but for people who touch children inappropriately.

How drunk was she?

She was off her tits!

There are people who think masturbation in a relationship constitutes cheating. Most of us refer to those people as "complete fucking lunatics."

That's kind of a shit response. It'd be one thing if she wasn't living with him, but she is. The fact that they're living together by definition means there's a minimum of privacy to start with, and that the response was to expect him not to feel comfortable enough to service himself in his own bed. Yes it's her bed,…

Real talk. Until 3 months ago I lived in an extremely petite, basically studio apartment. I had enough room for my bed bed, a dining area, and a living room/office area. I also had an inflatable full size mattress. I've had a few out of state friends visit that apartment over the years and that full mattress was…

She feels "icked out"? Oh, honey, grow up.

Typically I just yell "Last one to finish does the dishes" and make it a race.

I just say with increasing volume, "fap fap Fap FAP FAP FAP FAP". It usually gets a laugh out of him.

Standgebläse

I may have listened to this song on a constant loop for a week once to memorize the lyrics.

I died at the saxaphone fart in this episode because I am five.

I loved this song as a kid, but it was sooooo confusing because I didn't know what 90% of the lyrics meant.

See, it's not to my taste, but that's what I love about the plus-size fashion boom — we're reaching the point where there are enough options that I can say "ummmmm no thanks" instead of "well I guess is the one thing Lane Bryant is selling this year so either I buy it or I don't buy anything."

It'll wind up being the same ol' same ol' - shapeless crap cut for women with massive asses, in prints that you somehow just can't imagine seeing on clothes not in a 'special' section, accessorized with huge, chunky necklaces because, what, that's some kind of distraction? For those of us who can wear both 'regular'…

I've been told this happens because the store (stupidly) insists on buying the same number of each size, but more people wear a L or bigger so those sizes sell out and only the smalls are left. This is extra true if you're looking at a sale rack.

I have been totally impressed by many of target's clothes. It's like what I wish H&M still was.