Look, when you have a bunch of men, many of whom are domestic abusers, rapists or garden variety violent and ill-tempered lunatics, taking the field in the name of giving each other brain injuries 16+ weeks a year, you cannot risk sullying something so pure with an association with gambling. You just can’t.

Sleepytime tea is bullshit. Narcotic sleep aids only.

And, he’s down at Mar-a-Lago because of course he is.

It shouldn’t have to be said, but I will say it anyway: If you voted for Trump because you “just didn’t like Hillary,” I will never fucking forgive you.

Jesus fucking Christ. Okay so,, I am BLASTED right now (I somehow got convinced to chug a whole fucking pitcher of Bud Light, which like why the fuck am I able to be convinced to do such a thing when im 29 years fucking old but whatever), so Iam just gonna stream of conscious this, which I feel like I am already…

“I don’t know what it means to be complicit”

I was happy about this at first, but the more I think about it, I’m going to miss having the inexplicable ramblings of Phil Simms as part of my Sunday routine. Trying to figure out what the fuck he was talking about was a great way to pass the time with friends during replay reviews, commercials and the other 10,000…

Thank the gods that Simms won’t be on the CBS’s marquee game. He is garbage, and can barely put together a goddamned coherent thought, but bumping Romo to the so-called A-Team. Sounds a little aggressive/ambitious.

While I’m 100% behind this (you could sub out “Tony Romo” with “a tape loop of garbled subway announcements” and I would be 100% behind this), isn’t replacing your top guy with a total amateur, as opposed to one of the multiple qualified and experienced commentators you already employ, a bit of a concession that this…

They’re keeping Simms healthy for the games in December, just in case.

I’m torn between “this is bad because there are proven, veteran analysts on CBS who all just got leapfrogged by a big name with zero experience” and “HAHAHAHAHAHA BUH-BYE FEEEEEEEEEEEL”

BAH BAH, JEEM

Look man, I thought I remembered a Kazaam starring Sinbad too, but I imagine if I had heard something like that in the incredibly fragile days after 9/11, it would stick out as more than just a mis-remembering.

Yes. I’m deluded, I know, but the press showed such deference to Bush due to 9/11. And they got into loads of trouble for not doing their due diligence but taking the administration’s word on many of the subjects you listed above.

Bush’s people were as loyal as Reagan’s, and willing to fall on their swords for the man.

During the Bush administration, where there was one corrupt connection after another (the false premise of the Iraq war, Abu Ghraib, Halliburton/KBR, Enron, the doxxing of Valerie Plame, etc.) either extensively reported in the media or eventually investigated by Congress. I was always thinking, “This is it. This is…

As a Raider fan and Oakland native, every time I want to feel bad about the Raiders for leaving I remember taxpayers had to pay $350 million for Mount Davis and won’t even be able to pay it off until 2025.

Screw this team.

I genuinely feel bad for Raiders fans. I remember losing the Oilers and it crushed me. It was so hard to see another city claiming and rooting for my team.

“If the fans would like us to stay there, we’d love to be there for that and possibly talk to them about extending it for maybe 2019 as well, and try to bring a championship back to Oakland.”

I promise you won’t even hear about this rule until it pops up in the last 30 seconds of a divisional round game, to completely, and questionably, fuck up one teams chance of winning.
Gonna be exciting!