Yeah, I dunno. I see what they’re trying to do. But maybe coffee should just be for staying awake, not staying woke.

*straightens pedant glasses* That was the abysmal 2002 movie, not the book.

“Hey Judge, let me light your candle, cause Your Honor, I’m not hard to handle, and I don’t get around because I love my son and would like to see him more, please.” (blues rock playing)

“The Triple Lindy,”

Cubs fans, blindly backing abhorrent losers since 1908.

Inked Idiot Itching for Attention Attempts to Infuriate Rival Iowans

Sometimes the lowest-hanging fruit tastes the sweetest.

Unauthorized access to an account is the very definition of hacking.

Giants Security Guy: “If you interfere with a fair ball you will be kicked out of the stadium.”

I hope they have Ferrell drive a Dodge Stratus.

“Aborted Spanking” is my new band name.

Please, he plays for Atlanta. This is the city where Ric Flair spent years blading himself for breakfast if he was out of milk for his cereal.

“I never even recovered from getting dunked on” - Bison Dele

Next they’ll try to subpoena Mel Torme......

Wait, so is “can perform autoerotic asphyxiation with his nose member” the college rumor about Ted Cruz?

“ Ha ha! You dumb bastard. It’s not a schooner, its a sailboat."

Because I love testing Siri, I just told her I was a mole woman. Her response: “Is that you, Kimmy?” ???

Some of that circle shit.