This is an issue in my current relationship.

Been there.

You gotta do the claps.

We're all full of fire retardant and pesticides anyway, so who gives a shit?

If you're not doing a single goddamned thing to help an actual living baby, put the fucking sign down and wipe that smug look of your fucking mug because you're less than useless.

He was so hot in SoM, and still looks really good!

Counterpoint:

JURNEEEEEE. Also not gonna lie, as an old, the first thing that came to mind when I saw yr hed was this:

Your wedding isn't ruined! Your wedding is going to be AWESOME. And you'll appreciate it more than 99% of brides. Wishing you all the best.

Oh, honey...I hope they're giving you ALL THE MORPHINE.

FINE I GUESS IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER

I did? I'm currently in the burn ward having to undergo multiple grafting surgeries after my apron caught on fire. Just made the call today to postpone my April 25th wedding. Worse than the postponement of course is the recovery, which has already proven to be excruciating. Even typing this is awful and has me in…

Relax. Have fun. Eat first. Please don't forget to eat.

Oh I also forgot:

My mother. Who took the opportunity during her toast to give my bride my bronzed baby shoes, saying "This is all I have left to give to you of my Gregory. The rest you've already taken for yourself"

My MIL for sure.

Nothing makes me more sad than bad wedding photos. Maybe it's because I'm such a big photo fan, but man: don't cheap out on your photographer. Cheap out on your dress, your venue, whatever, but get a real photographer.

My aunt is very much a free-spirit. She is also very much a fan of white wine. These two factors collided during her son's wedding, when she stripped down and went streaking back and forth across the massive picture windows of the wedding reception venue. Then she ran into the water to "cleanse the blessed union" and…