I LOVED You Can’t Do That On Television! Never in a million years could it be produced today, but I sat and watched this entire episode and the shit is still funny.

That is straight up sad! :(

I used to watch this! I can sort of understand why Alanis Morissette went down on him in a theater.

I am an actor and can vouch for this guy: generally, we have no dignity. If the paycheck is good enough, we’ll show up.

But you see, I really don’t have enough faith to believe that people won’t vote for him in the general. The American electorate can be really, really stupid.

I have been on many boats, large and small. But never ever have I worn even a fraction of the amount of makeup Kim has on. Or a dog collar.

This is one of my all-time favorites!

I get what you’re saying and I know she wears almost the exact same thing all the damn time, but really, I don’t have an issue with it. She plays it safe. That’s her comfort zone. I’m 40 and I know what looks good on me. She’s what, 45? That she doesn’t want to dress like Rihanna or Cher is not a big deal, I think.…

Why can’t Madonna take a page out of the Annie Lennox playbook and just allow her self to get older and cooler? I mean, I get it. I just turned 40 and I don’t want to pack it all in and cut my hair like my mom and her friends did (short, permed then curling iron-styled), but shit, woman! Dial it back a little. A good…

CHOLULA 4EVA.

Only if it is fried.

I’d rather have nothing than have Pez.

Early 20s Looped would have and hoped he really liked me. Newly-christened 40 year old Looped would know in a heartbeat what selfish lover he undoubtedly is.

I panicked when I saw that Joe Jackson had a stroke, only because I thought it was Joe Jackson. That would have been a travesty.

From purity ring to cock ring!

My biggest takeaway is that photo accompanying the story is obviously before the big money started rolling in - before they could spring for the top-of-the-line glam squads. I mean, that is how silly this whole fucking thing sounds to me.

I want to high-five you so hard right now. On related note, this asshole from my high school who would relentlessly bully the fuck out of kids was de-pantsed by Judge Judy on national tv. He was a defendant and got his butt gloriously ripped wide open by her. I was jumping up and down shouting “USA! USA!” the whole…

So many years ago when edamame was first become a thing, I was served a bowl at a sushi restaurant and ate the whole damn pod until the server very sweetly advised that I eat the beans inside and discard the pod. In my defense, I would always eat the entire sunflower seed, not just the kernel inside. My body must…

You shut your filthy mouth! Chipotle or bust, although the free guacamole thing is pretty persuasive.

I admit, I saw the boobs first and thought they were Janet’s. I have been hyper sensitive about her new single/tour, and I think every new Jez post is going to be about her.