I know I should care but I just don’t. I love my dog kisses too much

I just want Ryan to do sex with me. Please?

Very. Ver. Veritas.

I AM VER SERIOUS, THIS IS THE BEST NEWS OF 2016

And the great diarrhea fueled dumpster fire that is life rolls on

Grow up, cheesedicks.

Y’all haters corny with that illuminati mess

Also, *not at all saying this is what happened, how would I know* this sounds a little like some of my drunken rants at the end of my alcoholism. If she’d been drinking steadily for 24+ hours *again, no idea if that’s the case* hallucinations, etc wouldn’t be surprising

I hope she’s OK. Sad that her son had to see that, it must have been scary for him.

This is how you know Blake Lively was a mean girl in high school. Because she thinks up shit like “meaty eyelids.”

Agreed. Speaking of 80s clothes—Keri Russell makes some REAL ugly stuff look REAL good, which is just sort of admirable and depressing.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything said here, including being a weirdo adult who identifies with Paige.

“’I always say, start with your books,’ Erica in the House advises. She recommends stacking the books in different ways—”

Oh, honey. I get that it can be very hard to believe bad things about a family member. I had trouble believing certain things about my Dad, even when I was holding evidence of those bad things. You are not the person who gets to make this call.

I wasn’t too young (I’m an OLD millenial) but I broke ranks with my fam during the primary and stayed true to HRC over Obama to the bitter end.

Shailene Woodley is black?! Now that IS surprising.

Ah, yes. Let’s all vote for who would be a “really wicked president.”

“yeah, i need some naked ladies for this really deep ‘protest art piece’ i’m planning. you know, just doing my part for the womyn. y’all can thank me later. you know what i mean. THANK me. DEEP, NAKED, PROTEST ART kinda thanks.”

For some reason the hand sanitizer at whole foods always smells like gin to me. Or I’ll use sunscreen and think about Malibu rum. It’s the insanity...

Congrats on 14! I’ve got 8 years and I still get really twisted drinking dreams. It takes me like 10 minutes after waking up to convince myself it didn’t really happen...