Sorry, I’ll respond here later when I can finally pick my jaw up from off the ground.

The most amazing thing about this is that Dick Vitale is still calling games.

All blame should be directed at me. Sussman originally had “bonspiel” in the headline, but I replaced it with “tournament” because I wasn’t sure if readers would understand it, even with context clues. He is a true curler, and I am the bad, dumb non-curler.

They are both weird penises

The offensive line statistically played worse than Peterman.

Is he good buddies with Joe Crowley and/or Pelosi/other establishment Democrats who dislike her?

Good for him. He is doing something real, important, and literally life-saving and he deserves our respect and thanks. I hope that brave, suffering woman finds a safe haven, but that is not guaranteed.

Clearly you’re familiar with how Deadspin works

Big deal. FIFA has been determining outcomes with paper in briefcases for decades.

A++ headline

Split the difference, adopt the Penix as a mascot:

You’re welcome! I refused to put out a “cute” pic if I could help it. Thankfully a mugshot came through!

This was my take as well. Sociopaths all the way.

Last guy, D. What the fuck! Isn’t the whole point of going out that everyone can get what they want?