The best comebacks are the ones that come quickly, are plainly nonsensical, but are still somehow biting.

If adopting a no-throwing-yourself-off-of-tall-precipices lifestyle improves your health, it's because colliding with the earth at a high velocity is bad for you—not because you have a congenital sensitivity to wind.

"Gluten-free" is not a healthier eating habit. "Refined starch-free" and "beer-free" and "tons and tons of excess calories-free" are healthy eating habits. Whether they do or do not include gluten is completely irrelevant to their healthfulness.

I'll just repeat what I said in the other Gluten post...

This dynamic is similar to what happened to yogurt during the dumb reactionary anti-fat craze of the '80s and '90s: Manufacturers removed fat from yogurt and replaced it with sugar and weirdo space chemicals, resulting in nominally health-minded products that, in actual fact, weren't so different from lancing your…

Well, what do you expect them to do to keep Saban around? They had already offered to buy him the second nicest house in the state and were refused, even after they had the wheels removed.

Nah, the best Bo moment was when he went to the tunnel before the game even ended. He'll never be Iron Sheik class!

A team forfeiting a league title after a tragic school shooting, this is what happens in Obama's America.

My mom gets really mad when I talk shit about U2, and that's about it.

Yea, I failed it though.

I was alone in a locker room with King Kong Bundy once while he undressed. Not answering the question, I know. But I think about that often.

No questions, just wanted to say hi to Tom.

My mom read my barf story. I forget that she occasionally reads Deadspin until she calls up and asks me how I'm feeling after soiling a hotel room.

What high school did you go to, hombre?

Brad Stevens went to Depauw University, which has both a winter term that most students cover with an internship back home and a huge Greek system

Brad Stevens. No doubt.

There is no switchel culture to revitalize.

"I saw one older English guy being punched by about three Lille hooligans. His face was bleeding badly."

Well, he isn't famous for "boob twerking." He's a former athlete and a current actor. Just saying..

Being basic isn't about race or class.