Who the hell thinks of this stuff???

I work in IT and have found a distinct pattern in deployed phones: boredom leads to malware. Every damned time I work on an infected phone, it comes from a free game with ad streams that trick people into installing crap.

My wife has it made- I’m a classically trained (former) chef, so she just waits for me to get home from work and whip up 5 star dishes in 30 minutes when I get home. She actually texts me photos of things that look good so I can stop and pick up ingredients at the market near my office on the way home.

I’m also a neat…

Also pin your used condoms to the wall so they don’t stick to the floor.

You’re welcome.

Soda drinkers also tend to be lumped in a group with low exercise and poor eating habits. 

I have a saying about artists- the bigger the talent, the bigger the pain. You’ll notice every influential talent of the last century had to battle demons and inner turmoil, and the bigger that battle, the more creative they became. The Rat-Pack era comedians? All wife beaters, philanderers, abused their children,…

I actually bought a king-size Nectar last October after spending a month reading reviews. Nectar had the best bang for the buck at the time, and the free pillows are really nice. We love ours- it takes a week or so to “break it”, and then gets super comfortable.

We got a Zinus platform bed to go with it: https://www.ama…

I actually bought a king-size Nectar last October after spending a month reading reviews. Nectar had the best bang…

Lemon-thyme butter is absolutely fantastic on an onion roll BTW. Serve it with every Thanksgiving meal.

Knowing this, my wife and I like to talk about my gigantic penis size and see if their faces reflect the conversation when we get up to the drive-thru window. Good times :D

An in depth investigation has determined the cause of the attack: “IT’S A FUCKING JAGUAR!”

With pushups, I found doing incline push ups for the first two months really helps. I have a ritual every morning where I do 50 pushups at a 45 degree incline against the sink while the shower is warming up. It’s a great way to fill in time and builds the chest and gives nice tricep definition.

I can’t do a pullup either, and it’s weird because I actually have a lot of upper body strength. A trainer at the gym suggested it’s a problem with tall people because of the leverage and arm length. I’m 6'4" so I’ll go with that :D

I do that too. Try frying the melted rind.

You’re welcome :D

My local market sells FANTASTIC parmesan, padano, and pecorino. I always cut the rinds off, put them in sealed baggies, and put them in the freezer. When I make sauce or a soup like Wedding soup or zuppa toscana, I’ll throw 2-3 rinds in during the last 30 minutes of cooking. It takes the flavor profile over the top…

Where is the “vault” exactly?
-Nowhere.
What?
-We made it up to generate a false sense of scarcity.
Why?
-People go nuts over getting things that are exclusive and others can’t get.

Yes, it’s fake. On a side note: one of my favorite kitchen gadgets-

THANK YOU!

I hate looking for recipe ideas and having to read through an entry from the J. Peterman catalog only to find the writer has no idea what they’re actually doing...

POTATO BACON CHEDDAR SOUP

The problem with onions is they’re very harsh, and some people have receptors that are very sensitive to allium vegetables (pungent root vegetables including garlic and leeks).

I love onions, but am not a fan of raw onion. You can remove much of the onion’s harshness by frying a slice in a touch of olive oil for 3o-45…

Life changer for grilled cheese: DON’T BUTTER THE BREAD. Butter in the pan, and when it starts to foam, sop up the butter with two slices of bread. Add your cheese, and then put the sandwich together. It gives that perfect “diner” grilled cheese that everyone goes after. Bonus points if you put some shredded cheddar…

Chicken salt is one of those trendy seasonings that goes in and out of fashion every 4-5 years. I like it, others think it makes things taste “too salty”.