Is he a particularly deep thinker or a Dorothy Parker-esque quiper? No. However, his off brand stream of conscious garbage pleases me. I had a hella busy work day and his inarticulate nonsense made me crack a smile.

I am so #thankful for Riff Raff.

Because I am tacky as fuck, I really like J-Lo's eye make up.

Money blinds people.

I know nothing about the situation but we don't know what financial/social/emotional situation Mom was in. She could be a shady character, or she could be someone who thought a rich successful person might be able to give her son a better life.

I really like most of Aziz's stuff. I liked the new special and I think he said lots of things that needed to be said. Some of this stuff reminded me of a Donald Glover bit in which he talked about how all his female friends wanted him to walk them to their cars. I still think his bit about a marriage proposal at an…

My parents have that!

Time for a new ring! (Or partner)

I know it's been said to death but her hair is amazing. I am always so envious of people who dress nicely and carry themselves well.

Not 45 mins ago I cut my hand on a wall. The music video has miraculously healed my hand. Also I need that white blouse for all of my cowboy sex fantasies.

This is the best thing ever

Mom did not react well. Her reaction is something I try not to dwell on. I wanted to yank the phone out of that poor girls hands and tear her a new one.

I loved a lot of silly things when I was 13. Orlando Bloom was one of them. He was Legolas and Will Turner. I'm not longer 13 but I give Bloomy a solid 10/10 would still bang score.

I'm an advocate, I work with people who have been sexually assaulted. One of my clients is burned into my mind because she was assaulted her first weekend at college. I held her hand while she called her mom. Rape culture is so real and pervasive.

Dear Prudie is a known victim blamer. She can go fuck herself for 5ever.

Oh the OC will suit you just fine. So many pretty people, so many dated references, so many weird choices. Also I believe there are some hot tub scenes.

My creepy (and kind of scary) neighbor has blocked my car in (again). Jokes on you mother fucker I got a couple of beers and pasta. I'm also a loser so you aren't ruining any Saturday night plans for me jackass!

The chances of someone seeing this are super low but I feel compelled to share. I was but a 20 year old American on a semester abroad in London. I was dancing (terribly, drunkenly) at a club with some of my friends. One of them purchased a round of tequila shots for us. In an ideal world tequila would love me as much…

But I do. It's a sickness.

I like it when it's white and gold.