I showed up to court to contest the ticket, the officer did not. I didn't have to pay it.

This is what circuses are like in my mind:

No one said she couldn't say it. It just makes her an ass. When people say mean things, regardless of truth, they are still mean. Out of all of the profound things that can come out of a person's mouth, she chose to say that. You know why you learned "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"…

When I was in college there was this insanely attractive girl on my dorm floor. She turned out to be a giant asshole. No matter how attractive she was, her personality trumped it; I could no longer find her attractive. I guess I'm saying I completely agree. I can be superficial, but personality usually wins with me.

You know what they say: Toe thumb or no thumb!

Admitting your an asshole has to stop being the "bar" for respectable human behavior, lol.

Wax figures of anyone are creepy. I don't understand why people like them. I also don't understand why people still go to circuses, either; maybe I'm the weird one.

I remember I was pulled over a few years ago for a minor traffic offense. The officer told me I would lose the case because the judge knows that he, the officer, has nothing to gain by lying, unlike the me, who stands to lose something. What do you do when the officer and the defendant are one in the same? Hang 'em!…

Hard Cider in a mason jar. The best!

Cat Style!

America beats the world in assembling shitty politicians, we just don't export these products.

I wish he had an "off" switch.

They must be at the nexus of the universe.

I love this show!!!!

He just released his campaign strategy to the public:

Stuff like this is a great example of the Public-Domestic Dichotomy . Women are restricted to what they can do by men, then those things are devalued. The ends (children) are valued by society, but not the means (pregnancy); how convenient, right?

I refuse to call it "Willis Tower." I now refuse to call it "Big Beth."

"Seven," after Mickey Mantle's jersey number. Good name.

Patton Oswalt would use the word "hooha" to be G-Rated, but it doesn't have the same air of disgust; It just sounds creepier.

If we could only get the government sanctioned mass killings to end, we'd be onto something; Not being able to travel to Europe and spend a bunch of money, yeah, that's a start...