This.

when are they gonna roll out the feature that keeps facebook from suggesting my ex-fiance’s new (like, NEW new) wife as “someone i might know”?

You’re almost there.

Oh please! A cat wouldn’t get caught in a cistern and make their friend spend a week trying to rescue it.

I'm sorry you live with so little joy.

Also for aging pets. Says the woman who just put a step stool next to her bed for her 14-year-old tubby tabby.

“Cats” and “too many” don’t belong in the same sentence. Unless it’s “There’s no such thing as too many cats”.

THIS IS WHY WOMEN ARE AFRAID OF MEN. We get messages from men who think they deserve our time and a response just because they have a boner. When we politely decline, they lose their shit. When we ignore them, they lose their shit. When we tell them we have a boyfriend, they lose their shit. And then all of a sudden,…

Just yesterday, I was at the corner store buying my standard migraine hangover cure: giant ass Coke Zero and some salt-and-vinegar potato chips. I had messed up hair, sunglasses deployed, ratty-ass clothes, and Kid Electron in tow, because it’s just not a migraine hangover without a three-year-old asking for Skittles…

omg did you just solve depression? Mind blown.

You realise she’s swinging because he’s got a full hold on her other arm?

I don’t care as much about gender. I care about strength. He knows damn well his punches are much more dangerous than hers. I don’t care if it’s a skinny dude or a girl. If you think his haymaker is equivalent to her love tap and the law should have no choice but to treat it as such, you’re insane. And I don’t care if…

If any of you say he had the right to do that, I hope you get syphilis.

I mean, they aren’t tucked into a corner booth in a dimly lit diner confiding in each other. She’s at work.

I’m confused. They shorted him a dollar and then chased him down the street? It doesn’t even make sense as an overreaction—what were they even reacting to in the first place?

because she’s a queen.

Can we talk about all the couples?? I didn’t even know this was the second season when I stumbled on the wedding reveal episode and got hooked.

to be fair though like i am SO GLAD that twitter did not exist when i was in high school