It took them three hits with the sword, and she was given nothing to dull the pain, such as painkillers. But that sounds really humane! Fuck western racism!!!

They often have to change their numbers when their phones have been taken as part of a rape investigation.

Yeah, but we have Sonya Curry.

Cats would never do this to anyone— they just don't have the attention span. This is why I will marry my cat and live happily ever after.

Well, my excuse to my wife when she caught me nose deep in my buddy's ass was that my nose was numb, so who am I to judge? Coincidentally, I also live in Detroit and am a Lions fan.

That's why we always have to walk around on all fours!

Possibly more hilarious than this prank are all the toolboxes below who don't see the humor in it.

One of the privileges of parenthood is harmlessly and playfully screwing with your kids. It's a right of passage.

This was brilliant.

Maybe next he can lecture Azealia Banks about how Jews do not, in fact, cause all of the evil in the world, and that bitching about "faggots" in the year 2014 is not a good look.

1. Too many Azalea/Azaleias. Old person brain cannot compute.

That really isn't something to gloat about.

Proud to say I have whittled out all of the mediocre-t0-shitty "friends" over the last 2 years. I also dumped shitty abusive relatives. Very very very hard work. Painful, seriously, but so worth it. My self-esteem, self-awareness, and boundaries are at an all time high and I have almost no fear of anything.

Sounds more like you're an asshole than someone breached the rules of common decency.

FUCK EVERYTHING

I feel kinda bad for Jesus for having to hear her go on about it for hours.

This, I could take or leave.

Ugh. Eye contact. They say it's important to smile and make eye contact, but it's a fucking trap.

My boyfriend is a living bitch-slap to this lie about crushed genitals: He is hung like a whale (and I can compare, because I've been a certifiable slut for eight years) and he sits with his legs crossed all. the. time. He shakes his head when he sees this shit.

Guys. We don't believe you. What we do believe: You've…

Yeah, sure. So many women rubbing up on you on the bus. Sure. Of course you know this phenomenon is almost exclusively male, but carry on trolling.

Have you ever considered that a woman may be doing that because she's been touched or rubbed on inappropriately on public transportation, and thus wants to put some distance between her body and yours? Also, next time you ride the bus or subway, pay attention to the guys for once. You'll be amazed.