He’s kind of full of shit with the attachment mothering shit too.

“Hey, can I borrow the car? Before you answer, remember that time I risked my life to save our livelihood and my grandfather from ax wielding robbers? Kthxbye!”

I’m not particularly attractive, but I “get away with” not wearing makeup by not giving a flying fuck.

I feel like we aren’t really addressing the root of the problem: WHO IS STILL LEAVING VOICEMAILS in 2016?

So, according to this chart, cats are the cause of divorce.

All I know is I will NOT be voting for Bill Clinton this November.

Every other kid except your own is a jackass. Your own is too sometimes.

Seems a little weird/creepy to me.

a sociopathic golem whose mouth puckers like an anus

You know, we need more vague in our country, lots of great vague, we’re going to have the greatest vague and really vague the spirits of the Mexicans and the blacks. Vague even the gays. We’re going to have the best vague of any country in the country.

Donald Trump doesn’t mate for life either

#notalllatinas think he’s a great monster! Some of us think he’s a flatulant small handed impotent monster who has to wear diapers at night and cries in the shower, who only messes up facts because he never learned to read and only hates brown people because he’s never properly figured out how to tan his skin enough,…

Hey, those thermos’ ain't cheap.

When the lights go out in the city,

So what? No, really. Who does that hurt? No one. They’ve been together for more than 15 years. Something real is there. It’s not for us to say that’s wrong. It’s not wrong. It’s just not what we personally might do.