you know, when we are dying in the streets literally, I’m really not here for you trying to insist that I give you a pass for being a good whitey/non-black person. white ppl thinking their feelings need to always be considered in every damn situation is really not helpful. so no, i won’t bother to say “not often”…

Thank you.

i’ll stick to MY modeling agency, thank you very much

Okcupid is awful.

A Canadian gold medal will still only buy 0.77 American gold medals.

“Oh, look at them, boys. Aren’t they cute?”

Exactly. I’ve been divorced for 5 years now, and people still ask me when I’m getting married again. Oh fuck that nope. I’m not bitter, I enjoy relationships with men, I just don’t want to be married. I have different life goals now. Sometimes my life goals include lying around in my pajamas alone all day.

My mom had “Men in Love” and I...well, I was forever changed. Once I found it I don’t think she ever saw that book again.

For me, this Onion headline would be an effective deterrent.

They should have gone simpler. Instead of a gyro chip, they could have done a tziziki chip. Instead of a reuben chip, they could have done Distilled Human Suffering.

1 oz vodka

The response I have formulated after 9+ years of being asked when we are going to “give” our daughter a sibling: “After three miscarriages it became apparent that my uterus is for decorative purposes only. But thanks for reminding me about the most painful and heart-wrenching experience I’ve ever had while also…

Imma bring this out again.