Tweet Beat, now with 100% too much Jaden Smith.

Dear Jaden,

Holy shit, she's 33 years old?! Wow. She doesn't look a day over 2. Good for her.

After a few minutes, I returned to the table. The man ordered a hamburger.

Ewwwww Ross don't Douthat

If you guys keep doing this I might have to start reading Vice, and I really don't want to do that.

this one has my vote. And I'm happy for your friend that she's rid herself of this douche.

My BiL and I have come up with the absolute greatest super power ever concieved: the power to make anybody have uncontrollable diarrhea on the spot. We would mainly use it on asshole drivers who put other people at risk trying to get one car ahead in a traffic jam, but it would definitely come in handy with some of…

My kids and I used to think up useless superpowers:

I was laughed at dot-matrix banners and kept laughing until the end.

This should win.

What part of "bovine gang rape wedding" do you feel won't win the "worst wedding" prize?

Boringly offensive with no wine in my glass is just about as offensive as it gets.

That shit sounds like a Katherine Heigl movie that has either happened or will happen.

What the actual fuck. That sounds like an amusement from the court of King Henry VIII.

Wow if you did not hit her with the grocery sack full of perfectly shaped river rocks, you are a better person than I.

Hat-Themed wedding.

I'm not married, and I've never been to a total horrorshow wedding, but at my parents' wedding, my mom watched a woman in a polyester jumpsuit (apparently the date of a friend) stuff an entire wheel of cheese from the buffet table into her purse and walk out.

I have so many questions, Ziggy.

Marilyn Hagerty is still hotter than me, and I've come to terms with it thank you goodbye.