Passionately Made. Persistently Real. Confidently Enjoyed.

No luck catching them killers, then?

I will never understand why people own sunglasses that are expensive enough that their theft would be a felony. I guess it’s because I lose or break mine so much that I buy them at the dollar store, but still.

Hey have you even seen manatees?

Odamae

It’s called having a “frap”.

Truly. I am certain that I will require more therapy as a result of letting my daughter cry it out than she will ever need.

You could always explain to them that the coffee isn’t cold, they’re merely feeling the icy grasp of the grave.

I have a terrifying crucifix under my unborn child’s crib right now because I convinced my MIL it was an Irish tradition used to keep away the devil (because hell is underground? I don’t know but it worked).

I’m not going to lie, I make short person jokes sometimes. But I’m a tall, chubby, not really pretty, clumsy, nerdy but non academic non-achiever. And guys seem more likely put off by tall women than short women. So its like... let me have this, goddamnit. Let me joke about how you can’t reach shelves, so at least I…

Allen is my boyfriend and I am Mark. Every time I'm upset or overly excited or really any kind of emotion that "We don't have time for this right now my best friend is getting married in twenty minutes and I'm the best man and I can not continue to explain to you why it is a bad idea for us to take the litter of…

#poorAllen

Yep.

That might have been rhetorical but I'm going to tell you anyways...

Easter, like 5 years ago. My sister had, until this point, refused to acknowledge me as her relative on FB. It didn't bother me too much but when she started using it to let everyone know about family gatherings, I got more than a little annoyed. How hard is it to add me then block me from seeing everything but group…

My brother: "I can't afford to fly out to see Dad this summer, because we really need to buy new patio furniture."

"My hamster was scared."

Not if the conditions aren't right for them to form pitchers.

give me all ur sprouts