I would not make it TO the first ball jump. I’d be lucky if I hit the trampoline at the right angle to actually get up on that first table, in which case I’d slip on the rolly thing, sprain or break an ankle on that and land on the floor on my head.

Hey, fuck this.

There’s also the fact we don’t know if he’s invested in any Apollo funds, let alone the one(s) that own Caesars shares. He owns the public company which is (was?) the manager of Caesars, which may get management fees from the company but doesn’t own any of it. If the payment of fees for services is the equivalent of…

Do you seriously think Ryan’s elbow to Nash’s head wasn’t significantly worse than Nash’s little shove back at Ryan (seriously you’d call that a punch)?

I need a shower after reading these. Hey Skip Bayless, fuck yourself.

FWIW, my 3-year-old says “It’s not yours!” to my 1-year-old approximately 17 times per day.

Usually I just service myself, so it’s good to change it up once in awhile.

Another great aspect of drinking and watching hockey is timing - the length of a period matches up exactly with my bladder capacity, and intermissions are the perfect amount of time to wait in line for a beer (or two) and the bathroom, so you can continue to drink and take appropriate bathroom breaks without missing…

The WSJ comments section rivals youtube in its cray cray. I go there or the front page of foxnews.com when I hate myself the most.

This is basically an episode of Ballers.

What if you, yourself, are an elephant? Then can you fuck elephants, if they consent and you get married and use protection?

Sounds like Holmgren does the same thing at Taco Bell that I do.

I’m so disappointed. I read all that hoping to heap on hate. Goddammit.

Romney was our best shot.

Can we come up with some new and improved ways to troll Curt Schilling? Something simple, like sending him a subscription to Seventeen magazine, but on a larger scale?

Stick to commenting on sports!!

Grab ‘em by the Brady, amirite?

Did you make it to the potty in time?

If Trump wins we might as well give up on this whole “life” and “existence” thing, so sure, Cubs-Indians, end of days, give it to me.

No you don’t.