Good news Jet fans! You now get to see Brady win in New York on a weekday!

TOM BRADY SHOT THAT LION

The Falcons lost a 5th round draft pick for pumping in fake crowd noise last year. A 5th round draft pick for MAKING IT HARDER FOR THE OPPOSING QB TO AUDIBLE. And there is proof that they did it all season long. Even if the ball deflation is true, they cheated far worse than the Pats and only lost a mid-tier draft…

I want real Patriot-haters but also level headed, rational people to respond to this:

Pretty surprised that “some god damn peace and quiet for once” doesn’t top this list.

We’ll disagree on some points there. “Completed suicide” makes far more sense. Suicide is the intention to kill yourself. Jumping off a bridge is the method. If we accept “died by suicide” then “died by fratricide/patricide/regicide” also becomes acceptable.

“died by suicide” has to be one of the sloppiest phrases I’ve heard in awhile. You commit suicide or you kill yourself. Suicide is a motive, not a method.

dadbod implies carrying a little too much bodyfat, which is the number one most unhealthy thing you can do for your body, worse than smoking cigarettes amongst other vices. Being overweight leads to more deaths than anything else, due to increased risk of practically every disease from diabetes to heart disease.

Ugh I’ve never regretting deleting my ex’s (for lack of a better descriptor) texts until this moment right here. He was a dirty old man, more than 20 years my senior, and some of the things he thought qualified as “sexy talk” were just awful and also wonderful(ly hilarious).

Bill Belichick was surprised to learn that he had a first-round pick which had not yet been traded.

You appear to have a problem. Maybe try dialing the righteous indignation down to 11 and click here

I'm more shocked that the defense didn't get all the sensible people with no brain damage kicked off the jury. They should have hired a Philly lawyer to be of counsel in voir dire. He'd make sure that jury box was packed with such cementheads that they'd have found Hernandez not guilty and awarded him $10 million in…

Definitely not elite.

“Eh..I still would.”

Omaha?

I take all my personal conduct cues from Goodell's ad hoc meting of punishment, which is why I withheld a park visit from my dog after she maimed the neighbor, and then I euthanized her for eating my pot brownies. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a humane society gala to keynote speak at.

Two different four-year-old sons? If only AD's father had hit him in the scrotum with a switch.

You're either being disingenuous or ridiculous. A study of 179 teenagers does not a study make. By that same token, smacking your wife around will probably get your dinner on the table on time as well and beating your kids will get you a "Yes, Sir" and temporary good grades through fear. But they're still long-term…

The reason the NFL always wins, and [one reason] why I'm a bad person? My first thought was to google "Adrian Peterson backup."