No. I’d peel and chop potatoes for my mom so I could scarf raw chunks. Mmmmm.

That’s why I put the deodorant on after the shirt.

“If somebody came and took a shit in my coffee pot I’d certainly be talking about it but it doesn’t mean it would have done anything to improve be welfare of black lives.”

No self-respecting man within a 20 mile radius of a Popeyes wouldn’t.

The only counterpoint worth saying, then, is simple and vulgar: Richard Petty, go fuck yourself.

Look everyone! Found the Patriots fan! So how does it feel knowing you’ll have gotten everything you’ve wanted as a fan and yet will still die feeling slighted and angry?

This fuckin’ mind reader knows that none of us can pay attention or comment on more than one topic.

Here’s a thought... maybe actually do that instead of continuing to say you “can” do that. Such a tired line. I know you can do it. How bout you actually do it?

What makes a championship caliber couch? Mine is pretty comfy, but I don’t think it’s going to be winning titles any time soon. My dogs love it though. It’s probably more of a playoff caliber couch.

Not to be outdone, Ohio’s governor said America would have been happy without Cleveland.

“I already pantsed you in this argument”

Don’t forget Satan can call up Rommel and the rest of the Nazis with a snap of his fingers. Like when he packed that jury trial with Lizzie Borden, Benedict Arnold, John Dillinger, John Wilkes Booth, and the 1976 Philidephia Flyers on The Simpsons.

“Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.”

I’m new to kinja but did we just side step the fact that this comment was left by the actual Spider-Man?

So the Red Sox are still stealing signs then?

Do those 1.3m or so views in August include me furiously reloading the page while yelling “WHERES MY FUCKIN EAGLES PREVIEW DREW” or Is that all counted as one

Hot take: grilling with a propane grill is just like cooking something in the oven, only outside. Use charcoal, Hank Hill. You usually don’t run-out half way through.

On August 23rd the Indians were 69-56 and the Dodgers were 89-35. The Indians are now 88-56 and the Dodgers are 92-52.

If it makes you feel any better I pronounced it I-V-oh-body.