Even "cavemen" knew that fire was good. 

Wait, you worry about running out of gas from a utility-supplied gas line? What are you cooking?

You think regulation was the problem behind 2 plane crashes?

Same thing sort of happened with my wife. Her whole life she had electric. Our first place together had electric. Our second place had gas and I was over the moon. She didn't understand until she cooked dinner one night and fell in love. It's night and day. 

That was supposed to be “the VW bus.”

I have a really nice electric stove top. It heats up fast, does a pretty good job of staying hot, and the on/off cycle isn’t bad.

I just wish we could go back to killing Nazis.

Here’s the perfect tempo:

“Influencers" are a cancer on society. 

And if any of them murder endangered animals for shits and giggles, I’ll avoid them too.

We also have taste because France backed our rebellion and saved us from getting curb-stomped by the British. Stop acting like we’re better than everyone if you can’t remember where we came from.

But he's still making money off of Jimmy John's, is he not? Because if he is, fuck supporting that asshole. 

You know we can’t taste pictures, right?

Same here. Fuck them.

That’s a pretty sad sandwich. 

Support rich people trophy hunting: buy Jimmy John's! 

The Panda Express by me always has a line of at least 10 people when I go. I just order online and cut everyone. It's incredibly satisfying.

Throw an S up front. Or an N at the end. Or a TH. Or put an M at the beginning.

You’re being pretty generous.