I saw Bill Clinton up in Harlem last year and screamed like a fangirl idiot. Couldn’t help it. His people just looked over at me across the street and kept going, lol.

Good news, Tony: all you have to do is invest in an outlandish facial tattoo and you’ll be turning heads for the rest of your life!

Hey! Focus! This is about Tony!

I wonder how many not-unattractive 47 year old women Tony “notices.”

I walked my dog without a bra on this morning so I’m basically Rihanna.

I get the same reaction, but then I’m a hairy, deranged, obese middle-aged man.

would eat all the strawberry rhubarb. all of it. maybe bear was just saving those pies for us? what a good bear.

This bear was THOUGHTFUL. He didn't eat the strawberry rhubarb because that would be RUDE. Everyone knows strawberry rhubarb is the best pie.

What if my cat IS a fancy asshole? So, so fancy. And such an asshole.

I think it important to note that you left out the Freemasons /Harry’s Balls/ Arc Du Triophme Illuminati angle. I’m beginning to wonder if you did this on purpose...

You left out one thing. What did she name her first born? George Alexander Louis.

You missed a critical point; in the first two photos, Kate is wearing denim jeans. The etymology of the word denim is “serge de Nimes”, a fabric originally woven in Nimes, France. Coincidence? I think not.

I went through my closet looking to find a new pair of socks this morning, and to my complete surprise I found a fifth manuscript from Harper Lee. It’s clearly the original one! It’s called “The Stars are Full of Racists” and it features a cryogenically frozen Scout who is awoken in the future and has to confront the…

Thought I’d toss mine in the ring.

Too much sandwich hate going on. I love ‘em. Sandwiches can be made to be delicious, but I guess that has to be your thing.

Maybe she’s black Irish?

THANKS KEITH needs a gif with a sarcastic-looking junior high girl.

If he was matched with Malia in a few years....who knows.