That’s the question I ask myself before I go into a deep trance.

Except, he’s not a communist. So there’s that.

Yeah, I remember when America used to go to war against communist empires like Sweden and Denmark instead of having candidates try to join them. We’ve gotten soft, I say!

No, that’s Kotaku.

“I love low hanging fruit”

Very much on board with this STRONG take. Madeleine you’ve made a fan for life.

As any smart person does. Not only is it sound oral hygiene, but nobody needs that residual minty film tainting the day's first cuppa joe.

Are you Sir Lancelot? Because I believe you just found the Holy Grail.

Burying the lede. It’s obvious that you don’t brush your teeth in the morning. Filth.

Getting hit by a car ball is notably absent.

Nope. Nothing to the left of me exists.

You know about time zones, right?

If you woke up after noon, nobody gives a fuck if you are confused.

Wow, you got them all right, in the correct order, the first time! Deadspin writers always fail at that.

Would you like a morbid and horrible story to start the day?

great q JR

Seems like it’d be fun to muss his hair. And the accent, of course.

These are batting-cage-free chickens.

The end of the Oscar Award Winning, Martin Scorsese film, The Departed, features a shot of a rat on a ledge after a man is murdered by Marky Mark Wahlberg. The rat is (of course) a metaphor for Dan Rather, known ally to Whitey Bulger (the real-life gang star the film is based upon).

God that’s so metal, maybe I should start watching hockey