His wife on the other hand, she’s very nice. I sold her a car back in like 2007, and she could not have been nicer.

...become a good rapper who makes good songs, or get out of the way to make space for someone who will.

First off, thank you for your service, but NO, no one should have to apologize for you having to do your job. Don’t like it? Get a new job where the owner won’t open the doors during the ongoing apocalypse. Sucks that your boss is a jerk but if your establishment is willing to take delivery orders during this crap…

A lot of the time, people don’t come back once they’ve left.

Maybe if they were playing in a city that was located near active government agencies. But they’re playing in DC.

Pete Carroll blamed the grass.

There is something seriously wrong with your dick and balls. Like seriously. Go get that checked out. Getting even a tap in the sack is a terrible, terrible thing that can drop even the manliest of men.

This is excellent Kinja

For one thing, the cop’s shooting percentage would be sky-high.

Maybe he was the misfit cop who really wanted to be a dentist.

I agree, I hate when people say #AllLivesCanJump and don’t realize how demeaning it is to our movement, so ignorant

It was all fun and games until one of the kids challenged him to a game of “Pig.”

#WhiteLivesCantJump

No surprise—there hasn’t been a Cup in Edmonton in 25 years.

Can't play with a broken stick =\

I’d like to introduce you to my good friend Bill Belichick.

We had to cut the seven minutes of me vomiting.

Right? All it takes is a new fixture and some plants to really open things up.

The solution, as always, is more X-Games.

This is Adequate Man, not I Spent $500 On Snow Tires And Probably Also Didn't Use Underwear As A Washcloth This Morning Man.