Mark my words: The Cleveland Browns will win the Super Bowl before the Lions win another playoff game.

During every Lions home broadcast, the pan shots of the Lions crowd should be set to that Sarah McLachlan song they play during the abused animal commercial.

Is there a team like that in every division?  As an Eagles fan, I wouldn’t hesitate to draft a Washington player, assuming one was actually worth drafting this year.

You’re close; the Cubs winning the World Series is what opened a tear in the spacetime continuum

Guys who have won playoff games this decade include:
Tim Tebow
Case Keenum
Blake Bortles

That proposal story (Tim’s) made me tear up a little bit. 

that escalated quickly

Almost what I said right after the 2016 election, and still applies sometimes:

This is true. As a Packer fan I willingly sabotage my Fantasy Football chances by refusing to draft Bears or Vikings players.  But Lions players, sure why not.

The universe is broken, I’m afraid.

Paul Pasqualoni looks just like Heaven’s Gate leader Marshall Applewhite but without the charisma. Matt Patricia looks like a composite of every single Barstool reader or a sloppy high school lacrosse coach (not mutually exclusive, I know).

“The casinos can’t serve free liquor while you gamble.”

like when you try to give your cousin grief over video games to make him feel normal while he slowly dies of leukemia

My man ZMF got engaged. He found love and told the Lions to fuck off out of his life forever.

My goodness I wish Zodiac Motherfucker would send in emails to Drew for this annual laughfest. Honestly reading ZM was the high point of the Lions’ season!

Fuck, man. Not even a token “NO MAGARY IM NOT WRITING ABOUT THESE FUCKS” from ZMF this year. It’s like Christmas without Santa.

“Just let Canada annex us.”

I can understand not liking Canada, even maybe hating them, but to hate them THIS much?

They’re basically the Jeff Fisher of organizations at this point.

All I have to say right now is, frankly, it’s amazing to me that WYTS 2019 has been going on for over a week now and still hasn’t gotten to Cleveland

I went to a Poison/Warrant show in New Jersey in the mid-`00s and I realize now that I was getting an early look at the Trump base.