Obligatory

Goodell: “Wait a sec, you mean I can CHARGE people for the right to punish them?”

*head explodes*

Tomsula gets free Nikes from his employer.

I still don’t get why you didn’t donate 6,500 pairs of Nikes to a homeless vet who can burn them to cook his dinner.

Just to clarify, it isn’t illegal if the momentum of your fist hitting the guy’s jaw carries you past him so that you don’t put an inappropriate amount of weight on his knocked-out body, right?

I would like to take this moment to remind everyone that Peter King predicted the Lions to win the NFC this year. 

I’m in a perfectly cubic white room. No windows. No doors. Two cribs are set up next to each other. One labeled “Baby Hitler” the other labeled “Baby Aaron Rodgers.” On a table I find a revolver with a single bullet. I point the gun at my own head and blow my brains out because I do not wish to alter the course of…

The umpire failed miserably, and Serena also is at fault for reacting poorly. I genuinely don’t understand why that is so hard to comprehend.

Why don’t other people see it? It is the craziest thing. 

It was a controlled demolition of the locker room. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

Thank you. The angle of the ball as it passes over the 3.4 yard line in relation to the position of the moon reveals as much. And I’m not even going to get into the guy standing in the back of the end zone in the glasses.

I know you will think I’m crazy. Look at the film closely. I don’t think it was Russell Wilson who threw the pass. 

+9/11

+1 totally waiting until marriage Russ

but imagine being so despised by your players that they believe there were conspiratorial motivations behind your mistake

You may not be familiar with american football - there is a common maneuver called a ‘tackle’, in which you use your body weight to force a player on the other team the ground. This is a normal and expected part of the game.

UPDATE: Tony Romo was injured on the play.

Philadelphia is the South of the North.