No need to dig it out. Cheap nursing trick I learned in school years ago. Place your thumb or forefinger inside your vagina and press against the wall adjacent to your rectum. If it’s hard poop, press firmly on the lumps - you can actually feel them - until you coax them out gently. A little vaseline placed just…

Dig it out?! No girl. That’s what Obamacare is for. Or bran! Get some bran and yogurt

Every political thread with everyone boohooing, I’m like “I AM EATING MY FEELINGS CAN YOU GUYS JUST SHARE THESE NACHOS WITH ME?” People be talkin too much, not orderin enough dips!

OMFG I FOUND MY PERSON IN THE POOP THREAD.

That is a ridiculous dog who looks like she escaped from Fraggle Rock and I love her she’s adorable.

My husband refers to that as “winning the game.” I’m not sure what game that is, but it sounds gross.

What about those of us who have been shitting plenty, but they aren’t good poos? They’re all sludgy and leave you feeling gross rather than invigorated, which is how a poo SHOULD make you feel.

Some how, in my mind, Hillary has gone from being my political candidate of choice to, like, my mom. I want to be like her, and I will fuck someone up to defend her.

It was like that here too on Wednesday. Then, Wednesday night happened and it was like the whole damn city of Seattle realized what happened and it was PISSED.

I went to my local bar for a beer, it was dead silent in there...every one of us hunched over our beer. Went for coffee today, same shit. Making eye contact in my town is hard, it’s depressing AF out here.

Thank you for asking. I have a 11/8 poop story that is the equivalent of 9/11 “the sky was so blue that day.” I woke up at 4:40 am, drank a cup of tea and ate a bowl of Raisin Bran. I was hoping to poop prior to leaving for the polls at approximately 5:40 but did not feel optimistic as it was so damn early. I thought…

My 10yr-old daughter and I love potty humor and have decided that whenever we are going to announce that we are going to take a crap it shall henceforth be exclaimed, “I’m going to take a Trump!” Or, “Don’t go in there, I just took a steamy Trump!” Or, “Hey dad, if you’re gonna stink up the bathroom with a massive…

Yesterday I finally managed to choke down six ravioli, so now I don’t just need to constantly shit water and blood. And my face looks fucked up. For some reason one of my eyebrows has swollen up like there’s a goddamn grape under my skin. I don’t just look puffy-eyed and blotchy, I look misshapen. And that’s not even…

This is very timely.

My little Lucy

Anybody else been gassy? I was so gassy at work yesterday that when some guy was being a colossal douche I would pass by him and quietly cropdust him. Seriously I did it at least four times over the course of a day.

The first two days I couldn’t even binge-watch crap (or non-crap like The Crown). Then I had a valium and half a bottle of wine, slept for 10 hours and now I can watch TV again. Just not serious news-y TV.

Tried to watch American Horror Story last night, but felt redundant.

I’ve posted this elsewhere, but I think Leonard Cohen’s passing was a gentle reminder from the universe to listen to his music and make out with your loved one. It will help ease us in this national time of mourning over the election.

Just make sure you’re not fucking someone who voted against you.