Hi Whitney,

White to the point of appearing translucent and gives you an orgasm? Honey, you’re English. That’s just your hand.

“Amethyst Realm”

Sheet skeet aka bookkake is real and should not be joked about.

Is she still with the spirit in question, or has she ghosted him for a new apparition?

I’m not surprised she’s named Amethyst.

I’ve made this a couple years in a row, so good! Goes great with ham as well as turkey, and the shrub is great with vodka:) I like to use fresh ginger instead of juniper. Pro-tip: put the spices in a tea strainer, much easier than cheesecloth!

Noooo. I’m mostly just afraid that this will affect my enjoyment of Ian McKellen’s friendship with Patrick Stewart. I love those two together.

Can I be the thousandth person in the comments to mention that I mindlessly do the same thing when eating raspberries and blueberries? I love you JT but this doesn’t deserve 50,000 retweets.

Please make your dream a reality. Seriously who needs gingerbread houses?

Treacly nut-and-custard pies...

My dad is getting quite senile in is old age, but he is in excellent physical shape for 81. He really enjoys when my brother and I take him to a sporting event and talks about it for weeks.

Bring a book? If they’re watching tv they can hardly complain, and I still think there’s something companionable about doing separate activities in the same room.

Yup, that’s a tall person thing, not a tall man thing. When my 5'2" self can’t reach something (I can reach the top shelf but not the back of the top shelf), I look around for the tallest individual. Sex doesn’t matter, as long as they can reach.

I’ll bet the accounting department pulled out the champagne the second this POS’s father showed up with this idea and hasn’t been sober since.

I’m no expert but this doesn’t feel like the most sympathetic cultural moment to initiate proceedings of this nature...

“No, it’s a great idea on the part of his legal team. Not so much on his part, of course, but who cares about that asshole?”
-His legal team’s accountant

Do you read the Takeout? Because they posted an old article about mac and cheese and someone in the comments was like, “mac and cheese is made with cottage cheese...”

Ugh, I know what you mean. I heard someone say that kids born in 2000 are heading to college next year and I was just...flabbergasted. How am I, at 43, both young and old at the same time. I feel like Schroedinger’s crone—both young and old until I look in the mirror.