"It appeared that all Beyonce needed was a little TLC."

Andy Kellman's review of this album has the best opener of any review ever. It starts out

I read that he would hand-write a letter of congratulations to each winner of an LPGA tournament, right up until the end. Everyone in the golf world is devastated, even though they knew it was coming. The Golf Channel tried to interview Fred Couples over the phone, and he was crying so hard he couldn't get a word out…

Looks like I can finally make a dent in my 1.75L bottle of Ancho Reyes!

That was one of Lego Movie's throwaway jokes, too: Batman's "I will text you!"