Welcome back! You fucking rock, Fahey!

<looks at headline and photo, ignores article>

Elon Musk, whose minions had built the sub out of SpaceX rocket materials for the sole purpose of moving the trapped boys to safety,

“What, me date one of those amoral, repellent, selfish,  mouth-breathing douchebags? You nuts?”

They’re stone cold fucking DOING IT. Why the hell do they need to spell it properly as well? Nothing’s ever enough for you libs, is it!

This is nothing new. I got Amazon Prime about a year ago and it is simply FILLED with utter bullshit “documentaries” that are basically You Tube conspiracy theory videos with spooky music.

Can we put him in a stadium filled with ex Toys R Us employees wearing a t-shirt emblazened with the amount of money he made from Bane Capital off the bankruptcy of Toys R Us?

So glad to hear that key Democrats are finally willing to do some soul searching in the wake of Trump’s victory over Clinton and realize that what American voters absolutely insist on is... (checks notes)a better deal for billionaires and less infrastructure for all. Sounds about right.

Black Man Wearing ‘Make America Great Again’ Hat and Shirt Charged With Hate Crime in Attack on Hispanic Man

Counterpoint: Ivanka Trump is a cunt.

It’s not a bug, it’s a feature! Now when the next big Hurricane knocks the power out island-wide, the official report can say “thousands of Peurto Ricans unaffected by power outages.”

I’d like to put in a counteroffer: I’ll give Peter Thiel a ham sandwich and a quick handy for the URL. I promise to continue the fine Gawker tradition of being an asshole to absolutely everyone ...except Mssr. Thiel, of course, who is nothing if not an absolutely wonderful guy and not at all a compete and utter piece…

Eventually, Maul’s brother, Savage Opress,

In 2010, enraged grassroots conservatives launched an insurgency against the Republican establishment.

I toughed it out, even though I was lukewarm on the first one. It is not the OH MAH GARD PINNACLE of fantasy that many of it’s fans will tell you it is (and tell you, and tell you!), but it is pretty damned good. One thing it has for it that most other series lacks is it is consistently good. In fact, the story,…

That is one misleading and stupidly worded headline, that is.

Couldn’t possibly be more stoked for something that will break my washing machine but at least sooth my anxieties by making me feel all nice and OHGODOHGODOHGOD!! I’MTRAPPED!!HELP, I CAN’TGETOUTOFTHIS FUCKING THING OHGODOHGODGETITOFFME! GET IT OFFFFF!!!!!

Couldn’t possibly be more stoked for something that will break my washing machine but at least sooth my anxieties by…

I for one am shocked and appalled that you would choose this opportunity to sling mud at poor Melania, someone whose values include working hard for what she wanted in life; whose word is her bond, who does what she says and keeps her promises; who treats people with dignity and respect.

Wow. What a horrible asshole! We really need to get out the vote for whoever he’s running against. ...(checks notes)

Helluva apology. Worthy of a Republican. Seriously. Just... wow! Way to not own your mistakes, Joy.