YOU’RE SO 2012 NOBBY

Try Fireball. Works like a charm every time.

Oof, ***difficulties believing that she’d be thrilled

***the bae we were

Poor dear is looking so exhausted after her second child - I’m having difficulty that she’d be thrilled for TWO MORE AT ONCE.

WHAT on earth is that green cheese?!

bite me

You and I should run together. Our platform will be based upon two goals: finding a cure for lactose intolerance, and CHEESE FOR EVERYONE.

So was this your reaction or nah

Ok but is she giving birth to an egg yolk or nah?

I know RIGHT?! Very feminine eyes and hair, amazingly plump lips, and cheekbones that slay. She must have been a knockout pre-transition as well!

“I don’t like my job, so I’m not going to show up. Vote for me!”

Why do people keep voting for this guy? In the real world, if you visibly loathe your job, you’ll get canned by the higher-ups pretty damn quickly. Let’s just hope his disdain will lead to a few major faux pas!

Luckily Chris Christie doesn’t have too many staffers, there won’t be enough space when he’s taking up half the room.

I plan on doing the long con: don a Mission Impossible-style man mask, wear for 10 years, become a womanizer with a heart of gold, run for progressively higher levels of office, run for president, WIN and become president, and at the inauguration whip off the mask revealing my beautiful face, tear off the suit to show…

Normally when I go in a Jacuzzi it’s salty for a different reason.

I loved him always, and I will always love him. I don’t believe love is fickle. I believe when you love someone, you are allowed to love from afar. You don’t have to be with that person in order to love him.

On Friday a VP at my company had Nathan’s hot dogs and fries delivered from Coney Island for lunch. 700 person office, they bought 600 hot dogs. It smelled like farts for the rest of the day.

His catchphrase could be “I am Brute”...