Dear New York,

Girl, go easy on your cuticles! They serve a purpose.

Maybe it's cool if you sing it in Italian. "Vaffancuuuuuuulo!"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL the Refinery29 tweets.

you are not going bye forever adultosaur, just drink a bottle of wine and come back better than ever.

Whatevs. My mom and her ilk (Lily-loving preppy women all) totally shop at Target. DIRTY SECRET: Real preps are cheap as fuck. Smart marketing move if you ask me.

wait

Is it really fantastic drama though? Instead of any real exposition, there's a lot of "things are getting hectic!" yadda yadda.

I'm with the "this is fake" crowd. There have been too many inconsistencies and unbelievable twists and turns.

And I'm suing Tampax because I wore white pants while horseback riding, and it was a total bloodbath.

Lady: you should've known nothing at an Elmhurst Duane Reade would do your vagina a lick of good.

You know, if you suspend this critic's past offenses (see: angry black lady-gate), and give her the benefit of the doubt, then she's guilty of a clueless typo. But then you realize that she works for what is traditionally considered to be the country's most important paper of record and the "liberal media's" strongest…

Can't wait for the Gawker cross-post...

"She tourniquets her arm at the elbow with an ice pick and towel, washes the blood off, puts the offending knife onto the gas fire, heats it to a nice brick red and...wait for it...cauterize her own arm."

"It's not wild chicken."

Bad: had to return to work today post holidays.

You're going to have to come at us with something stronger than this, Mark. After all, the readers SUBMITTED all of these stories once, beating your ingrown hair by a mile. http://jezebel.com/5664007/10-of-…

My morning reminder that people are utterly awful.