It's fine as long as you applying it in layers and let it dry between coats. I know this from non mannequin breast enlarging experience.

I’d definitely watch soccer that doesn’t deny the great evolutionary advantage of opposable thumbs.

A generous writing tip to cult members: not using paragraph breaks makes you seem like a cult member.

Next they’ll do “Goshspell” with all new music from your favorite recording artists of today.

That was basically my 2014. Major hugs, and glad things are getting better.

I bought tickets. It is up to $900 million and it would be nice to win. I imagine myself winning then BAM $5 million to Planned Parenthood!!!

*BRAG ALERT*

Guys, big news this week with my kid. The other night I felt like poo after they had dance class, so I decided to take the kids to McDonald’s to avoid cooking and give myself a chance to just sit (that sound you hear in the distance is one of Food Babe’s neck veins exploding).

Counterpoint : this would be an ideal party for a surprise paintball raid.

My brother and I had the system down - he’d sign my dad’s name, I’d sign my mom’s.

It’s Robin Thicke. The real question is “would you have a choice”?

If I check “I know I DON’T want it, HAHAHA U FEEL ME?” isn’t it the same as checking yes? Or did I listen to that song incorrectly?

You guys, can I tell you about something excellent? Because I really feel like it’s my duty as a Brit to alert you fine red-blooded Americans​ to a proper treat headed in your direction. If you have a soft spot for top-shelf BBC dramas, you’re in for a lovely time, because coming your way is Poldark, a big, gorgeous,…

The next time they ask you to cut the cake, you should totally cut it up all weird so that some people get a thin sliver and others get a hunk that hangs over the Chinet plate.

I cannot tell you how much I loathe "I didn't know true love until I became a parent." I loathe it with a mighty passion. It has no point other than telling anyone who hasn't given birth that they're a bunch of losers who don't know how to love. Whenever someone says that I always want to reply "I'm sorry to hear you…

1) These ding dongs need different jobs. Quiet jobs.

First of all, how on earth did you get a copy of this? When I sent it out I explicitly wrote PRIVATE DO NOT SHARE (in all caps like that) at the top. I'd like to point our that whoever leaked this removed that, so by law, reprinting this is illegal. I know this because my father is very rich, runs Fowler Enterprises,…

I would love to do this, but I would not know how to bring this up. "Hello I am here for our date armed with a list of 36 questions designed to make us FALL IN LOVE! I'm PhyllisNefler, nice to meetch. No pressure."

Her hunting companion.

My friend and I worked in the photo department of a Genovese Pharmacy. We had a terrible manager so we started coming up with ideas of how we would quit. She went with a singing telegram dressed like a gorilla with a bow in her hair. The lyrics were brilliant: