I'm personally a fan of the phrase "Fuck [him] with a rusty dildo"

Another pro-lifer GOP type who values life right up till birth.

That might be the nicest things anyone's ever said to me! Certainly about making basically dirty limericks. I'll be sure to add some more imagery and metaphor into my writing though.

Esther Williams makes a high/mid rise bikini in the same Emerald green!

Now we're getting to the real blessing of the tankini: For ladies with tummy issues that still wanna be able to pee without wresting off a wet bathing suit (or having to casually swim away from everyone and pretend like you're not taking a pee right there in front of God and his swimmers).

#1: I have scars on my face following a bad car accident. I look like I got clawed by a puma on one cheek (gravel in the in face, dragged for 30 feet). YOU'RE FINE. No one will notice your hand. Honestly. They don't last as long as you think (I have a ton of scars from cooking, and not one currently exists to…

My good friend wore short hair for her wedding and she looked astonshingly beautiful. There's something so sophisticated about a short cut in a gown. My hair was super long when I got married and honestly? Totally overrated. One might say cliche in fact.

Additional recommendation for scar fading: Kelocote. I have a giant zipper scar on my abdomen from surgery and my gyno said it's one of the best and fastest-working, and she heartily recommends it to her new mothers with C-section scars. I never used it regularly enough to really make my scars fade, but from my short…

What? You are worried about the walnut shells killing fish? They are biodegradable.

Nope, it has ground up walnuts which will scratch you but they wont be killing any fish.

Let's start a campaign!

I feel like your story is more effective at putting people off microbeads than facts about environmental impact.

Haha, but no, I bought microbeads. They got stuck in my butthole every time I showered (shudders). I actually had to beg a friend for bar soap after explaining to him in graphic detail how bad showers were becoming.

You bought anal beads, not microbeads. :(

I didn't really care about them until I bought soap with them and every shower was like a dry unwanted butt fucking. Fuck these things.

Prefer chocolate in my face not on.

I'm not an expert, but I'll just leave this here. Short form : just because something is single-ingredient or comes from the baking or produce aisle does not mean it's gentler or okay to use on skin. Baking soda, lemon juice, and white vinegar are probably not things that are good to put on your face.

It really isn't! Pretty much ANY dermatologist will tell you that chemical exfoliants are better anyway. APRICOT OR WALNUT SCRUBS ARE TOO HARSH. Those gritty abrasives can cause tiny tears in your skin, which can (among other things) allow bacteria to fester.

I was in CVS the other day and every facial scrub had microbeads! I was aware that this was an environmental issue, but I also know that "apricot" scrubs and other physical exfoliants are bad for your skin. What a dilemma!

I'm officially in love with millihelen now. Because of *THIS* article!