My all-time favorite: two explorers find the journal of a colleague whose tattered remains are all around, with the last entry saying that tomorrow he’s going to test how gorillas react to a joy buzzer.

“a small collection of websites had been aimlessly infecting iPhone users since at least 2017". A small collection that shall remain unnamed?

Well, dead people don’t have to worry about HIV/AIDS, autism, cancer, Hep A, B or C, or the flu, so I guess they’re technically correct (the best kind of correct!)

Actually it is THE plague, as in bubonic. It’s endemic to the area. 

I envy everyone who has never been to Commerce City, CO and is therefore surprised by this

Sorry, you lost me completely at ‘keto’.

I’ve always believed that Cheesecake Factory is secretly owned by a conglomerate of pharmaceutical companies that sell diabetes and heart medicines.

Not when China keeps winning gold they don’t.

And people wonder why America can’t switch to the metric system. I had a date angrily insist that a kilometer was longer than a mile and it just sunk my interest faster than you can say “I left the oven on.”

Introducing bears would just exacerbate the problem.

Nah dude, it’s a major party foul to interrupt a Darwin Award attempt by shooting the participant before they can complete the challenge.

Spent years working on a bison ranch and can confirm that bison are freakish critters. Can jump a 5-foot fence without a whole lot of effort while being roughly the size and shape of a Volkswagen Beetle. Even the ones we had, which were about as domesticated as wild animals can get (the bulls were actually the…

People are idiots; people in National Parks even more so.

Hey, hey! The captain of the Titanic went down with the ship. Didn’t you see the movie?

Yeah, this is where the “we’re not profiling!” angle stops holding up. (I mean, it never held up, but still.) If you’re badgering Black folks for stolen property and a white person with them says “Check my shit” and you refuse, you’re racist as a motherfucker.

If someone stole a shirt, most likely it was a white person to begin with. 

You’re not going to ask what the car was wearing or tell it to close its legs? Blaming the victim is the most idiotic logic I have seen in a long while. FFS

I’m shocked nobody’s posted this yet:

Sorry, but this probably has to be reiterated:

DO NOT GIVE VEGANS “CAT FOOD” TO YOUR CATS. THEY ARE OBLIGATE CARNIVORES AND REQUIRE AMINO ACIDS THAT ONLY OCCUR IN ANIMALS.

Where are we on the Doctor and his TARDIS for this? There's clearly a relationship there. She's the love of his life, no matter which face he wears.