My mother-in-law has an old cookbook with this winner:

My golden rule is 20% if it was good service, if not 15-18%.

“I made you a sandwich (ham & cheese), now ski 37 days and 600km and you can eat it.”

Nazis always deserve punching.

Vaccines work, GMO’s are safe, Everything is a chemical.

You can serve Malort, no one would notice.

Does anyone else hope these two are directly related:

Penis: COAXIAL CABLE

“SWALLOWED A PEN BECAUSE NO ONE PAID ATTENTION TO HIM”

It’ll be interesting to see how two dead characters will become gay. Maybe the Force afterlife is just one big gay orgy, given that the Star Wars movies have yet to kill off any major characters who are also female and Jedi.

Obligate carnivores, or “true” carnivores, are those carnivores whose survival depends on nutrients which are found only in animal flesh. While obligate carnivores might be able to ingest small amounts of plant material, because of their evolution they lack the necessary physiology required to digest that plant…

I’m vegetarian and I would never force my dog to be (or to be vegan). Because I understand science, dogs are carnivores, and humans have evolved to be omnivores. This is like grade 2 stuff.

Can confirm. My cat ate her placenta when she had her litter. I was grateful to not have to clean it up, to be honest.

I always thought animals which ate their placental tissues did so to leave as little trace as possible for predators to find. y’know, since they now have a more-or-less helpless offspring to protect.

Fun fact: wombat poop is cube-shaped.

“When Uncle Louie came to visit us from the “old country”, we wanted to make him feel right at home. So we took him to Olive Garden.”

Those tortas with hot dogs in them are really gross. You gotta pay close attention to the ingredient list - chorizo = the good sausage, salchicho = a freaking hot dog.

What, are you from Indiana or something and jealous that we actually have some defining characteristics besides Mike Pence and HIV outbreaks?

While your assertion is correct, I also represent a whole slew of solutions!

I had a boss from Texas who once ordered chili at a restaurant at lunch. When it came he freaked out at the server, "There are no beans in chili!". For years after that around the office whenever you'd get handed a report, you'd throw it down and yell, "There's no beans in the quarterly report!" etc. He got mad…