4. Breastfeeding advocates

First Four Out

Incorrect NFL Stat Guy- "If Adrian Peterson averages, like, 1400 yards a season for the next three years, he's gonna pass Walter Payton as the leading rusher ever! No? I read it on PFT so..."

Nebraska Cornhuskers Fans- Seriously, the fucking worst bandwagon fans in all of sports. Never get their due.…

If only that had happened before the cereal list debacle.

I advocated for Deadspin editors but lost the argument.

Actually the kids SHOULD get whooping cough, as it can prevent choking which does run in the family.

Oh please, watch me play the world's smallest violin.

ESPN: This has been a tough decision for us Rick, but you're fired.

Will, I always try to take you seriously, but... This sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that LvT is awesome; it's the genius fallacy at work, exactly the same as when Rob Ager tries to convince people that The Shining is about the US abandoning the gold standard. Just as Stanley Kubrick very obviously…

Tom, I'm afraid you've been hoodwinked: this is viral marketing for Bud Light Lime Straw-Ber-Rita.

Index

Look, I know this post isn't serious and we're on Deadspin and whatever - but please don't perpetuate that "no snitching" bullshit.

• Matt Schaub, Untitled ESPN Docudrama (2018)

No motive? Really? After all of this you can't look at that picture and deduce a motive?

In the sense that she weighs 260 and doesn't have a true position?

Yes, and 19.

Dear fundamentalist crazy people,

Arizona - still the shittiest state.