We take the hummingbird obsession to the next embarrassing level — installed a feeder right outside the kitchen window and the whole family smashes faces against the glass to ogle the things when they feed on the sugary goodness.

Proof positive that Michael Maltese was full of shit:

Seconded, and I fall for the geyser routine nearly every day — usually because the juice-requester is distracting me by yelling uncontrollably about their imminent death by dehydration.

Sadly, my kids do this (thankfully, mom abstains). I place french toast in front of them — applause. I tell them we're heading to the grocery store — raucous applause. I let out a monstrous fart — HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER AND THUNDERING APPLAUSE. Makes me feel validated, though.

That is incredible. We can make one exception — opening night for an ultra-hyped movie. This works because I will never be in a theater during such a showing.

Agreed. While we're at it, stop clapping at the end of a movie. At least the pilots and flight attendants are present to receive the hostages' appreciation. Who and where is the recipient of theater applause??

+1

True story. Spoon will be in the Pro Bowl this year, Birds will go 11-5....and still lose in the first round. And as the NFL season is just getting started, the Barves will lose the play-in game to the Pirates in the ultimate 20-year karma cycle. SCREW YOU ANDY VAN SLYKE.

F. +1

+1, and staring into the eyes of half-head Mark will blow your mind

+1

The inevitable "I've never heard of you but my friend reads your stuff and I can't believe you're popular it doesn't make any sense I live in X and you don't know anything about X where do you get off you're so dumb my eyes are bleeding just reading this garbage" comments have become the highlight of this series.

Pot Shots, Part Deux

+1

Nice +1

Nice +1

+1