well, and...a text to reading, “Sorry. The cell service on this course is for shit. I was saying ‘Take Kaminsky.’”

Like, the fuck do people expect him to say?

Baylor is already inquiring with the NCAA about waiving the one-year waiting period for Olsen so he’ll be able to play in the fall.

I’m surprised Kim didn’t channel “Paris” by being tied up in a bathtub.

Yes, this 10,000-word profile of Tom Brady on a whole different website definitely proves that we at Deadspin are obsessed with Tom Brady.

The burglars don’t need reminding. They oughta know.

The hero America needs, not the one we deserve

Yeah at least Trudeau can go back to Canada.

Yeah, but you see, Adele, so it can’t be criticized right? The Bruno Mars tribute was way better

This tribute made no sense. They just picked a random song and sang it slowly.

Well, now, hold on. Did he go to school in the south? They teach you it’s okay to touch cousins like that.

“I can’t mess this up for him”

Just fuck already.

Because our country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground and it’s finally coming back to haunt us.

Like you said, you’re not American.

Hello. I’m not American. Can someone tell me why America thought it was a good idea to make a functionally illiterate man with severe personality disorders the President of the United States of America?

They’re like drug dealers. You’ll never get rid of them as long as there’s a demand. Who the fuck are the idiots spending good money to own a signed ball cap or sneaker, anyway?

Seriously. If I were the Knicks, I’d be afraid that he’d “get some help” and then come back.