And then you remembered Trump would never do that

This should have been published on The Takeout

Read a book.

I’m more worried about why he gets sick all the time. Either he is extremely open about sharing every instance of diarrhea in his life or he has diarrhea kind of a lot.

I have unfortunately been kicked out of Triple Rock in Berkeley for this very offense because someone saw.

Hi!!!!!!! 👋🏻I appreciate the kindness. Also, I still work here. 

Oh, nothing will change at all. That’s why you already know what will happen. 

This is a fair question. There were some technical issues getting him patched in with Drew and me, who are already in different places. That said I really was glad that he wasn’t there to hear me think my way through the What If Your Farts Didn’t Smell dilemma.

I think we like to pick our spots as much as possible so as not to fall too in love with our own bullshit and not assume that everyone else thinks our dumb yelling is actually worthwhile.

Did Ratto really have a conflict or did he only agree to appear on the Deadcast on the condition that he didn’t have to answer Funbag questions about Borat and farting?

I’ll give you a hint, it’s none of the white men! Funny how that works. 

This is the correct answer. Every week or two we discover some new horrible opinion.

I disagree, but only because Infinity War doesn’t have the “America’s ass” dialog and Endgame does.

Found him!

Pope Thrower is the greatest combination of words I have ever heard. Just picturing someone heaving the pope Karelin-style has brought me such joy in these dark, troubled times.

When I was 13, I was on a summer baseball road trip with my folks. In one city we happened to be staying in the same hotel as the Baltimore Orioles. As we’re waiting for a cab, some of the players are walking through the lobby. One of the pitchers is talking to another teammate and ranking AL cities by the “quality of…

Obviously the correct thing to do would have been to calmly explain why her emotional response to the scene was invalid.

Peggy: That was a lovely date, Steve, let me see you out.

Will never forget the day this happened!

So everyone brought back is 5 years younger than the Leftovers? Did half of Peter Parker’s high school class already or nearly finish college, and he’s still a junior?