I know what the word “leftover” means and I know what the word “Champagne” means, but together, they don’t make any sense.

CP

He must be a South Pole elf.

I mean the Japanese do have a long history of that

You know what sounds better than Jay-z ?

I think this is the general consensus:

There is a lot of butthurt hate for Ken Block. I always here that “he isnt even that good” or “his videos SUCK!” or “anyone could do that with his equipment”.

Dear Jalopnik editors,

A sense of hopelessness from watching the Mariners.

Poor Phyllis...

For me it’s Patton Oswalt and “All the ham.”.

just give him a tip, at least 20%.  also, maybe tip the kids.

Isn’t the tag supposed to go around the guy’s toe?

Almonds are fine, and perhaps the most versatile nut, but the cashew is the best nut and I will accept no arguments in opposition (except maybe the macadamia nut, but they’re so goddamn expensive and hard to crack that I only have them a couple times a year).

she is so utterly repellent. she always looks drugged out, tired, smelly, and sticky. Her voice is where Gollum went to die.
She is a gargoyle.

The salty little turds knows as capers have never improved any dish, ever.

As embarrassing as this is to admit, I could eat egg salad sandwiches every day. If my daddy knew he would disown me.

“I used to drink beer. I still do, but I used to, too.”

Fuckin’ A right.

We were at a taqueria near our house and I asked for double tortillas, usually because they stuff them so full that a single tortilla bursts. If it doesn’t, then there’s enough filling for extra tacos. Anyway, I order it and there seems to be a lot of discussion in the kitchen about it and I realize the reason when I…