“[I] start with some Kundalini meditation” - eye roll - “and a 23-minute breath set” - *twenty three* minutes? uugh, k, whatever - “along with a copper cup of silver needle and calendula tea” - oh, christ, it’s official. This bitch is the worst - “before my son Rohan wakes.” - Annnnnd I’m out.

Wow, $10M?! I guess Santa Claus really is white.

If I’m paying 31 million buckaroos for my wedding, it must include Idris Elba interrupting the proceedings, declaring his everlasting love for me and marrying me on the spot while David Bowie sings “Life on Mars.” For starters.

If anyone can think of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, please passive-aggressively blog about it right now, right here, during the ceremony, with your champagne gold iPhone 6, which is so last June anyway because the rose gold iPhone 6s is where it’s at now.

Was there food, that you could eat? Good wedding.