High school sophomore Michael Jordan’s short ass lacked the killer instinct and will to win needed to play varsity basketball.

With all sincerity, do you really NEED to have your wallet with you at all times?

Please tell me you meant “plaid shorts.”

Depends on what else you’re wearing. If it’s 95 damn degrees outside and you insist on rocking baggy, heavy-ass jeans or sweatpants with clunky, heavy-ass basketball shoes or boots, then you don’t deserve to be able to cool off a little by going shirtless.

I went out to a nice restaurant

Relax. You don’t “have” to carry any of that shit.

You call that “bare minimum”?