So, the Dark One Himself (in the form of Raiders management) is keeping AB down? Maybe he’s on to something...

String Cheese. Anyone who’s had a kid scarf down 3 or 4 of those and then hurl all over the car know what I’m talking about. After it’s been heated to core body temperature and then spewed out all over your nice leather seats, hardwood floors, shirt front, shoes, etc.. it’s still in tube-like cross-sections, but it now…

Never called it athleisure in my day.  Would have been darn fancy.

Grifters gonna grift

Some shithead is going to launch this deathtrap on the Mississippi. His flyblown corpse will wash up on a levee around Mardi Gras and some drunk will toss some beads on him. It’s like Into the Wild except it’s not a bus.

Used to have a 2008 Honda Odyssey I bought used in 2010 with 24k miles. A couple years after I bought it, I’m at a restaurant having dinner with my wife and see the hazards start flashing and horn honking. Ooops, alarm. Then the tailgate goes up. I figure I might have sat on the keyfob, but no, its sitting there on…

Should have just played it safe and gone with the Butthole Surfers.

No Angel Hernandez? Totally unexpected.

Ordure. Febrile. Junket. Musky.

A blind Bolivian alpaca herder would at least feel shame for missing a call like that.

What I want to know is, did he eat the burger?

scientists have confirmed the discovery of a fifth loko

My son worked at a McDonalds as his first job in high school. After a week or so, I ask him what he’s been learning, and he replies:

vim, vie, vow, vain.

Font. Aft. Wage. Vigor. Muse. Amid. Nil. Null. Blot.

“And here are the slave quarters...”

That was spectacular.  Can you imagine the street cred he’d have if he started his show that night with a bandage across his nose, a shiner, and big shit eating grin on his face?

No Chuck D, no Big Daddy Kane? Either I’m too old or Panama’s too young.

I understand tipping very well. As someone who has received tips, yes, a nice tip rewarded me for my excellent service and reinforced my desire to keep working hard for tips in the future, because it translated into me getting paid more. Now, as someone who is now the tipper rather than the tippee, I understand that ti…

Because I am evidently a masochist, this is the one I wait for every year. I like to think somewhere Dave McKenna is cutting and pasting this onto the end of his Cranky Guide