I hate myself. I hate myself because I am a fan of my local Washington Football Team. I go to the occasional game with the enthusiasm a small child feels for eating stinky cheese, but I still go (but only when I get the tickets cheap, which is basically like all the time. I do retain a shred of self-respect). However,…

who’s dressed in black-and-red basketball shorts that prevent us from knowing if Toyota designed any robotic genitals for it.

I can’t see traffic getting improved in that quadrant on the beltway (between the American Legion and the Temple) with any number of additional lanes unless you have David Copperfield disappear some of the traffic.  Instead, they are using their powers to disappear the money, which is way easier.

Pam Anderson is our Jane Fonda?

The Isles just scored, and the collective orgasm has me needing a cig.

As only a Caps fan can say:

The best justification I’ve seen for getting it right with technology is that people lose jobs on blown calls. Lots of money goes one way or the other. I get that. Even the players, who aren’t getting paid btw, are affected by the results: who know’s what a National Championship on their resume means to their future…

I for one was amazed by the level of defense played on both sides and the number of contested shots made despite it. Both teams played out of their minds for the entire game by sticking to their game plans. The wheels only came off for TT in OT, and it was the result of just a couple of those contested shots not…

I did NOT do anything wrong. The hatch just BLEW. It was a GLITCH. It was a- a TECHNICAL MALFUNCTION. Why in hell won’t anyone believe me?

This means every Jets game is a color-rush game!

You know if the Israelites had guns, none of that Pharaoh bullshit would have happened, amirite? Moses would have just walked around with his AR-15 and all the Egyptians would have been like “yo, look at that guy walking around wrapped in his 2nd Amendment rights” Passover would now be celebrated with pulled pork…

Starting?

I have given Ted lots of rope now that my beloved Caps have won a Cup, but this fucking albatross has been around his neck forever. I would think that he jsut couldn’t fuck this up, because the management of Les Boulez has been a dumpster fire since around 1985, and it could only get better since the bar has been set…

Ned is bent over a block. The silvery sword goes up, makes a ting sound, swings, and a cabbage head falls into a bucket. Tomato juice everywhere. Arya screams. Joffrey grins.  The crowd gasps. Except for Granny, who in a cloud of spilled popcorn and quivering outrage explodes upward in out of her seat and shouts:

Only if Angel Hernandez had to call balls and strikes while strapped into an obstetrics chair with his feet high and wide in the stirrups. Wouldn’t even need a catcher, just a ball return.

Standing in the middle of your lawn on a hot summer day drinking beers with a couple other dads, and holding forth about how much bone meal to put down like you’re the groundskeeper at Augusta. Or anything about gutters.

The problem is there are very few places (like none) where she can exercise her main job skill (handling clearance adjudications) without working for the USG. She just whistleblew herself out of a job. Seriously, since no fucks are being given, her boss will just walk in and say “Since you can’t reach the top shelf, yo…

Steph Curry would never have been MVP back in the era of these guys: its hard to jack up threes from waaaay downtown while wearing a neck brace. Oak might let you come in the paint for a layup, but you’d have to pay with an elbow to the cheekbone. And if you got by him and scored, Mase was waiting with a forearm…

“I stood for ... God’s design” 

In Panama, these are known as Push Buttons. You drive up to a single car garage and park inside, give the attendant some cash and get a key to a room that opens up from the garage, and you have your own personal love nest.  Or so they say.