Interview day:

Six words: "Margaret Atwood sued for copyright infringement"

That olive has 14 calories you fatty.

STEP 1: Jam that booze in your craw like a fucking boss.

I miss Doom Patrol. Saving the world from a horseman of the apocalypse which was trapped in a dadaist painting. They should have asked Grant Morrison to write a story that had Doom Patrol be responsible for collapsing the universe while nobody else had any idea what was happening.

Photograph time, literally

No. 10: Know how you bacon.

Wait until he sees the caliber of prostitute he's going to be reduced to fucking.

A 4-step process for flossing? Wind 18 inches around your fingers and shove the whole hammy thing into your maw?

Cons: Fuck Minecraft. Honestly, just fuck it right in its 8-bit ass. This fucking game. My kids don't even really PLAY it. You know what they do? They hit up YouTube and watch videos of other people playing it. In fact, there are Minecraft celebrities out there like Stampy and the Diamond Minecart, and their videos…

explode in a cloud of creation custard

An extraterrestrial civilization at this stage in its development would very likely be post-biological in nature and in the possession of artificial superintelligence (actually, it probably would be an artificial superintelligence). To them, we'd be as interesting as microbes.

Kaaaa meeeeeeee haaaaaaa meeeeee HA!

During take off, the plane would be powered by six hydrogen fuel energy engines.

"Cyber-Mutton"

"The Peek-a-Barf Masquerade Pupil Party"

"Raciocination and Steve"

"Unwashed Foreskins for Freedom"

Great. Well, I guess I can replace my watching of Citizenfour with a couple episodes of hot-assed girls and their somber, chiseled boyfriends.

both shows remain intriguingly dangerous, year after year — and also, arguably, present a more accurate portrait of our 21st century emotional and ethical landscape than most hand-wringing narratives about power and responsibility