I like you. And I like inappropriate answers.

Yes, this. It would never ever occur to me to be so blatantly rude and invasive to anyone, let alone someone I don't know. But it happens! I was a single mother at 24 (I probably looked more like 17) and I got rude comments ALL THE TIME. Geez, what happened to people minding their own business?

Dear Miley,

I don't understand why anyone would even think some of these are acceptable. To say to anyone. Unless you're best friends, why would you ever ask someone if their baby was planned?

That kind of question would make me want to answer in the most awkward/inappropriate way possible. Such as,

This weekend at Target, I saw a white woman with an Asian kid in her cart, and a black woman with a white kid in her cart. You know what I said to those families?

People used to ask if I was adopted (light brown hair, blue eyes, my mom was born in Italy with blue-black hair and a very Mediterranean look). It still bothers me, 30 years later, that this was a question strangers thought they could ask.

A less-rude flipside: my stepsister (as in, no blood relation whatsoever) and I have the same color hair and eyes, so we were always told that we looked so much alike.

My mom has three kids, with three different fathers. And she is f*cking fine with that.

Whenever someone asks her whether she married three times, she quickly answers "Actually, four. The last marriage didn't last enough for that."

Dear Lord, what have I just seen?!? You know a performance is bad when 2-Chains manages to look like the most respectable star up there.

The more I think about it, the more I'm unsure of how I feel about her dress. I like the concept, which to me is a literal deconstruction of a red carpet outfit, but I don't know if I like the execution. The weird flap hanging open reminds me of bib overalls.

This performance was nothing short of incredible. Hate, not. Mescaline-doers everywhere were done great justice last night.

I followed a teenage girl out of a parking lot and she was texting the minute she got in the car. She kept it up even after she pulled out into the street, and was driving way below the speed limit and swerving a little into the other lane.

I have to admit that all of the antipathy I have for T-Swift is melting rapidly under the the white-hot power of her Miley Disdain Blaster.

You know, I was thinking the exact same thing when I saw everyone freaking out on FB about Miley last night. Then I finally got to see the whole thing during the encore performance... I think the difference was that Miley was just awkward with the whole thing. Was it even choreographed at all? She was just jumping…

Also, the WAY she stuck it out. Like, at an angle? Why?! Or full Maori style, which was just gross because it's such a big wad of flesh.

Really - who is clutching their pearls about this performance? And I found the tongue aesthetically offensive. (Egad, but she has a giant tongue.)

Girl, you do you and dress however you want, I don't care, but please put your goddamn tongue in your mouth. I do not understand the tongue.

I bet if the camera were to pan around you would see an engine block hanging from a tree.