Wait, no mention of Frankenjesus? My partner was still upset about it this morning.

When you woke up this morning, did you think of yourself as someone who would call the teenaged survivor of a mass shooting a liar on the internet, or are you surprised to learn that about yourself?

I’m still hoping Inanimate Carbon Rod runs in 2020.

Any Pusheen the Cat’s fans here? Whenever I read ‘Stormi’ I think of this little one:

Mark Mitchell was bumped from the team in 1992 in favor of Todd Eldredge.

Fun fact: in an effort to have them overlook the doping scandal, the Russian Federation first tried to bribe the IOC officials. When they flat out refused the bribe, the Russians the offered to make a generous “donation” to the next IOC charity ball, to which the IOC responded: “We don’t have balls.”

Am I your mom? I got a fantastic, never used tote bag with the initials CLM on it for super cheap from the outlet. I call it my CLAM bag (sure, I could have gone with CALM but that doesn’t really fit with my personality).

Seriously. She thinks spending 10 minutes crying vindicates her? My dog would not fit down a toilet but you’d have to put a gun to my head and probably shoot it before I’d harm him. It is a very low hurdle to not murder the life that you have chosen to protect.

Good GOD.

Cool, where do we go for the turkeys?

This is the awning of the age of hilarious.

On the flipside, i thought the Toyota ad sponsoring the Paralympics was fantastic:

Giselle, 2012: “My husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.”

Tom Brady: somehow the one white guy on the Pats who *can’t* catch a pass

And Eli Manning upstaged Tom Brady in a Super Bowl for a third time.

Probably didn’t help that he went with the SS Sturmbannführer camo, circa 1945.

I grew up in Texas and still don’t understand this take. Please add pinto, kidney, and black beans (drained and rinsed, of course) to your chili, people. Chili without beans is a condiment that kids put on their hotdogs.